Not Becoming

January 6, 2026

I hate the word becoming.

Which is funny, because it seems to be the it word in personal development and healing spaces.

“You’re always becoming the person you’re meant to be.”

“She’s in the process of becoming.”

Fingernails on a chalkboard.

“Oh, you’re becoming.”

Puke. Puke. More puke.

I didn’t always feel this way. I remember standing in a bookstore in 2019, seeing Michelle Obama's book 'Becoming' on a display table, and feeling genuinely captivated.

The word felt alive then.

Hopeful. Expansive.

But after catastrophic losses—

after years that forced me to choose who I would be on the other side—

the word becoming

feels far too passive.

Becoming suggests something happening to you.

Evolution. Emergence.

Like you were clay being shaped by circumstances.

That hasn’t been my experience.

The last six years taught me that becoming isn’t enough.

I needed to be active.

Intentional.

Generative.

I had to decide what to excavate inside myself.

What to heal.

What to nurture.

What to grow.

What to explore.

What to take—and what to leave behind—

while navigating complex trauma, grief, loss, and rebirth.

Not becoming.

Self-creation.

After the landslide,

I wasn’t curious about who I’d turn into.

I was deliberate about who I would create.

And I refused to let it ruin my life.

The same was true in 2025.

After the explosion that was my life,

I couldn’t sit around hoping I’d be okay.

I dug in.

I built.

I created the next version of me with my own hands.

I took the lessons learned.

The pain felt.

The dreams and goals I still carry.

My values.

My strengths and my edges.

And a clear vision for the life I want to live.

And I created from there.

If the word becoming comforts you, keep it.

But if it makes you feel passive, small,

or like something else is in control of your life—

you’re allowed to choose differently.

You’re allowed to be the architect.

The artist.

The author.

Not waiting to become.

Actively creating who you are. Actively writing the remaining chapters in your story.