I Had To Kill My Own Innocence

The brutality isn’t just what he did to me.

It’s that I had to become someone I never wanted to be.

I wanted to be soft. Trusting. In love.

But instead, I had to become sharp.

Strategic. Vigilant. Detached.

To protect myself, I had to kill my own innocence

and admit that he abused me.

I had to erase a man, his dogs, and a life I loved deeply from me.

That choice caused unimaginable pain,

but I knew it was safer than the way he loved me.

I had to trust myself when I whispered,

“I am safe. I am safe. I am safe.”

as my entire world crumbled.

And trust that this divine rupture wasn’t my end,

but the beginning of a life where I would never again

settle for being unloved, unseen, or unsafe.

A life where I choose me, every day,

fully, fiercely, and without apology.