To Live Fully

Sometimes I forget how many lives I have already lived inside this one life.

I have been so many versions of myself.

A hurting little girl, shy and terrified to speak to people.

A dreamer who wanted to sparkle.

A traumatized teenager trying to survive experiences too heavy for someone so young.

A cashier who unexpectedly discovered she loved people.

A young manager teaching herself leadership through fire and failure.

A mother with three babies in three years.

A cycle breaker determined to create safety, presence, and love for her children.

A business owner carrying the weight of a 100+ year family legacy.

A mountain climber.

A marketer, leader, builder, mentor, trainer, and public speaker.

An actress.

A singer.

An MC standing on stages in front of hundreds of people.

A woman who traveled internationally helping facilitate leadership and growth in communities around the world.

A woman sitting in the Hollywood Hills believing entirely new dreams were possible.

A daughter who got the phone call that the landslide destroyed her family business forever.

A leader sorting through wreckage while helping hold a grieving community together.

A public figure.

A school board president navigating endless crises and scrutiny.

A daughter losing her father.

A woman who opened herself fully to love and vulnerability only to have her reality explode in ways she never knew possible.

A writer.

A storyteller.

A gladiator.

A woman standing in the strange quiet of a nearly empty nest wondering what the next version of life will become.

When I really stop and look at it all, it feels almost impossible that one person could contain this many chapters, this many identities, this many heartbreaks, dreams, reinventions, responsibilities, and rebirths.

And yet somehow, all of them are me.

I think that is part of why I feel so exhausted sometimes.

Not because I am weak.

Not because I am failing.

But because I have lived deeply.

I have loved deeply.

Led deeply.

Grieved deeply.

Worked deeply.

Felt deeply.

Transformed deeply.

There are people who spend entire lifetimes never truly knowing themselves beyond the roles they were handed.

I have spent years consciously becoming, creating, unraveling, rebuilding, questioning, healing, leading, dreaming, risking, and growing.

Stepping into challenge rather than away from it.

And maybe what I am realizing now is that I am no longer interested in merely surviving my life or proving my worth through how much I can carry.

I want to fully live it.

Not someday.

Not after everything settles down.

Not after I finally earn rest or joy or love or softness.

Now.

Because after everything life has asked of me, I think I deserve that.

And despite all the winters that have come and gone,

despite all the ways life has changed me,

I still believe the most beautiful chapters of my story are on their way.