The Most Important Thing?

July 26, 2026

Yesterday, my mom asked Desiree and me what we thought the most important thing in life is.

The question caught me completely by surprise.

We hadn’t been having some deep philosophical conversation or trying to solve the mysteries of life.

We were simply sitting around my dining room table. Desiree was eating lunch. My mom was knitting a poncho for me. I was stitching together the cardigan I crocheted for Desiree.

Then, in between stitches, my mom looked up and asked,

“What do you think the most important thing in life is?”

Desiree answered almost immediately.

“Family.”

My mom didn’t hesitate either.

For her, the most important thing is knowing she is loved and wanted. She grew up believing the opposite, and today she knows she is loved and wanted by God. Nothing is more important to her than that.

It took me a few moments to answer.

I told them I absolutely believe family is important. And for many people, their relationship with God or a higher power is foundational.

But if I had to choose just one thing, I think the most important relationship we will ever have is the one we have with ourselves.

There is that saying, “Wherever you go, there you are.”

It’s true.

We are the one person we spend every moment of our lives with.

We hear every thought.

We carry every regret.

We celebrate every success.

We know every fear, every dream, every mistake, and every hope.

If that’s true, then it seems to me that our relationship with ourselves deserves our attention.

Can we be honest with ourselves without being cruel?

Can we hold ourselves accountable without drowning in shame?

Can we be reflective enough to grow, compassionate enough to forgive, and courageous enough to change?

Because the relationship we have with ourselves shapes the quality of our lives.

Every single day we’re in conversation with ourselves.

Are we constantly beating ourselves up or offering ourselves grace?

Are we adding to our own shame or helping ourselves heal and grow?

Are we holding ourselves back with fear or encouraging ourselves to take the next step?

Are we our own harshest critic… or our own biggest cheerleader?

The voice we hear more than anyone else’s is our own.

And when life strips away the things we once believed were the most important, we’re still left with ourselves.

When we lose someone we love.

When a relationship ends.

When our health changes.

When a career, a dream, or an identity disappears.

When life doesn’t turn out the way we hoped.

We’re the one person who walks through every single one of those moments with ourselves.

The relationship we have with ourselves doesn’t disappear when life gets hard.

If anything, it becomes even more important.

No promotion, relationship, accomplishment, or possession can permanently outrun that relationship.

It comes with us everywhere.

It shapes how we love.

How we parent.

How we lead.

How we respond to hardship.

How we allow other people to treat us.

And how fully we’re able to experience joy.

The life we experience isn’t created only by what happens to us. It’s also created by the relationship we have with the person who is with us through every single moment of it.

As I’ve thought about our conversation since yesterday, I think I might actually change my answer.

Or maybe not change it…

Maybe I’d simply expand it.

I think the most important thing in life is the relationship we have with ourselves and the choices we make because of that relationship.

Because those choices become our lives.

By the time lunch was over, I realized there wasn’t really a wrong answer around the table.

Each of us answered from the deepest places of our own lives.

Desiree’s answer reflected what she treasures most.

My mom’s answer reflected a wound that had finally healed.

Mine reflected what I’ve come to believe after living through both beautiful seasons and incredibly difficult ones.

Three different answers.

Three different stories.

And all of them true.

So now I’m curious.

If someone unexpectedly looked up from across the table and asked,

“What do you think is the most important thing in life?”

What would your answer be?