I Didn’t See This Coming

This current chapter of my life is very strange.

Not anything I would have predicted.

It’s not filled with adventures, hiking, sex, or men.

It’s not me laying around in bed or gardening like my life depends on it.

And it’s not me trying to fill a void of any kind inside of me.

Parts of it are stressful, challenging, and heavy—but definitely not all of it.

Much of it is peaceful, free-flowing, life-giving.

There’s space here.

For curiosity.

For learning new things.

Apparently, I have a new found interest in the feminine arts.

It started with crochet…

and tonight, I used a sewing machine.

Yup. I did it.

I figured out how to wind a bobbin, thread the machine, pin two pieces of fabric together, and run them through to make one.

Please don’t look too closely at my seam—it is far from perfect.

It’s my very first one. Ever.

I’m not sure some of my friends would recognize this version of me.

But that’s okay.

They’ll understand.

They love me anyway.

My mom was joking with me when we went to Walmart for fabric scissors, bobbins, and pins—that at 47, nearly 48, I am finally learning the feminine arts of handcrafting.

I joked back that the next thing we know, I’ll be barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen.

We both laughed.

And said, God, I hope not.

But there is something quietly beautiful about this version of me—

steady, curious, learning with my hands instead of proving with my life and accomplishments.

I didn’t see this chapter coming.

But I think I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be.

For now—

While I make plans,

and allow more space and time

for the big, beautiful life changes that are coming my way.